Transparency

2016 has been a bit of a shit year for me personally speaking and recently it’s caught up with me professionally. I’ve been dealing with a close family member’s alcohol addiction and it’s taken it’s toll emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. As someone who’s struggled with addiction themselves I’m sympathetic towards individuals who suffer, but there comes a point where the line has to be drawn and ties have to be cut. In reality I should have done this last year, but denial, hope and love are powerful forces and I’m stubborn as fuck.

In recent months I made sacrifices both professional, personal and financial to help my loved one get some help for their addiction. I put my music video production and album release on hold because I believed incorrectly that they loved me enough to get their shit together. What I learned was that it’s not that they didn’t love me enough but they didn’t love themselves enough to make changes.

The shattered trust and betrayal has left me heartbroken and horribly depressed. I’ve tried to keep going full steam ahead with my music, but it’s been very difficult as my finances and physical health have been severely depleted. I suffer from fibromyalgia and it’s symptoms have flared up to debilitating levels in the past few months.

I had to take to crowdfunding to finish my album as I wasn’t able to work very much to earn money to pay for mastering. Thankfully, even though my campaign didn’t reach it’s target I was able to raise enough funds to pay for mastering and just sent it off the other day! I am extremely grateful for everyone’s support. It was genuinely difficult to swallow my pride and ask for money. I know everyone is getting perks for their contributions but it was still hard for me to ask for help.

Another positive that has come out of the pain of losing a relationship with a loved one is that it has spawned some new songs. I’m working on 5 song EP called Blood Sweat Tears that is coming along rather quickly and will be released within a year of my upcoming first album release Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles. Blood Sweat Tears is going to be dark, melancholy and sexy both lyrically and sonically.

I don’t want to divulge too much more, but there will also be paintings that I’m doing for each song. I will be mixing my own blood, sweat and tears into the acrylic medium. Art is powerful therapy and will get me through this dark time.

One thought on “Transparency”

  1. I am sorry to hear that you needed to walk away from someone so that could hit their bottom. This is a very difficult thing. 2016 has been a terrible year for many many people and the good thing is it is almost finished. A terrible truth is that art and tragedy seem to go hand in hand. Once you channel that I hope it will help you to focus on you. Good Luck and good thoughts be with you.

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